Smashing Katie | Tales From The Breakup Battlefield

There, I said it. I'm officially upset with Facebook and we're gonna throw down in front of Niketown in Union Square at 5:30 sharp. I'm gonna kick Facebook's ass. Your first question - why am I so mad at Facebook?

Well, I thought Facebook was my friend. I was showing Facebook my pictures, telling it which bands I liked, where I had traveled, and who my other friends were. I thought Facebook was cool. Not cool like the kids who smoke between classes...like, really cool. Deep. A really good listener.

So, then I meet a couple of women. One local, one out of town. I really, really like the girl that lives out of town, and I like the girl that's local too. I go out of town for the weekend, and then meet up with the local girl for dinner at her house...this is probably our 3rd or 4th date, but I still really, really like the out of town girl more, even though we haven't hooked up. Let's call the local girl Beth, and out of towner Lisa, so that I don't incriminate anyone here...anyway, when I get to Beth's , who's there but Facebook. Univited!

Yeah, can you believe it? Uninvited! And, it turns out that Beth and Facebook had been talking, and Facebook was telling her that I was single. So, Beth asks if I'll tell Facebook in a relationship, and I know it would make Beth feel better, so I said sure, we're in a relationship. I mean, Facebook is my friend, but we're not best buds, so I don't really care whether Facebook knows who I'm dating or not - you know what I mean?

Then, Facebook goes and tells this to one of Lisa's friends, and now Lisa gets all freaked out and doesn't want to date me, because she really thinks I'm in a relationship. Facebook totally c-blocked me, broke the code, and turns out to be a total gossipy blabbermouth!

But, that's not where it ends. I end up breaking up with Beth (there can be a whole book of blogs about that, but I'll save it for later). And, now Facebook has introduced Beth to my friends, who Beth doesn't need to know, and now she's still trying to talk to them, even though they don't want anything to do with her. Oh, and Facebook is still telling us stuff about each other that I don't want to know, and I don't want to share with Beth. Damnit Facebook, shut up already! I guess you can't have a regular break up anymore, and have Facebook as a friend.

So, Facebook totally screwed my chances with Lisa, and is still trying to talk to me about Beth, and I'm sick of it. So, everybody get your popcorn...because it's going down at 5:30 tonight. Facebook is getting its ass kicked, and I'm getting my life back.

Nate