Smashing Katie | Tales From The Breakup Battlefield

I came down with Tourette’s Syndrome on last Thursday. Now you are wondering “What kind of situation could cause a sudden bout with Tourette’s?” Well I got a call from my guy at 8am…waking me up…on thanksgiving…to breakup with me. Yep, my sweet-as-hell “non-boyfriend” thought this was the best time to do the deed.

So now I find myself with Tourette’s Syndrome. I walk around saying every four letter word ever created and find my angst comes out at the most inopportune of times. I have been in my car, having a perfectly rational conversation in my head and realized a dropped a verbal f-bomb for other people to enjoy. I have also been at Walgreen’s and got teary when I see the crappy holiday decorations wishing me “love” and joy around the holidays. I have also cursed at my dog for taking too long to go to the bathroom and later laughed at myself for saying “S**t already, Scooby!”. My Tourette’s is non-discriminatory.

Who the f**k gets dumped at 8am, while sleeping, via telephone, on a flipping holiday? Me, yours truly, the one and only, queen of smashing breakups.

So the funny thing about this guy is that things were fine for the last few months. We didn’t have a single disagreement, no real issues, and just spent our time having fun, getting caught having sex in a car, spying weird locals in Golden Gate Park, watching sunsets on the beach, and cooking fab-u-lous meals together. The Saturday before he brought dinner to make at my house, as well as breakfast for Sunday morning before going home. He then drove one hour to pick me up Monday to watch 007 then drop me off in San Francisco so I could hang with my friends. He drove the one hour back home. This from a guy that told me “he isn’t ready for a relationship.” Doesn’t make sense right?

Well I drunk dialed him on Friday when he told me “You should not be dating a guy like me”. Really, because I see a sweet, kind, sincere, loving, and funny dude. I would beg to differ…you are exactly my type! He then told me that I should be seeing a larger issue, got mad at me, and eventually hung up. What?

I was clearly getting bamboozled and didn’t even know it. I get caught up in the attention, affection, and potential that I don’t see straight. I just assume things will work themselves out, discover how much we like each other eventually, but proceed blindfolded whilst running face-first into walls.

I guess the bout with his conscience was enough to let me go before it went too far. So while I won’t ever know what the larger issue was, I will take his advice and not be dating a guy like him. In the interim, I wonder when my breakup-induced Tourette’s will subside. I should be a rich woman by the end of this week if I had a quarter for every sudden outburst dropped since 8am Thanksgiving morning.

By Angela Schmidt, Queen Bee & Big Cheese, SmashingKatie.com