Smashing Katie | Tales From The Breakup Battlefield

I love men. They are quirky, funny, charming, awkward, sincere, vulnerable, macho, and lots and lots of other things that make them men. My friend and I were crossing the street toward, admiring a gaggle of men, and discussing our apparent youthful appearance in spite of being thirty-something. I see a man that I am instantly attracted to with his soft dark hair, muscles sneaking out from his shirt, nicely tailored clothing, and jeans that are cut to show off his best assets, and ass. He was just perty.

We approach the street corner and I notice him noticing me – aggressiveness is very attractive. Yes handsome man, talk to me. Don’t be shy. Tell me what you want, because I want to lick chocolate off your chest. Show me your witty nature. Let’s have a little friendly banter that will keep me thinking about you. Dig deep and dazzle me with a snazzy pickup line, o handsome man. Grrrr! He then opens his mouth and says “Hey, wanna do sake bombers?” If I were a guy, I would have gone flaccid.

Assuming he can stare at me AND hear at the same time, he knew I was thirty-something and yet still suggested sake bombers. Did he think I said 23? Well even then I am too old to put a tiny cup of sake on top of chopsticks that is ready to drop into a glass of beer as I slam my fists on the table after yelling “I say sake, you say bomb…Sake….Bomb….Sake….Bomb!” Sweetie, just look pretty and don’t talk. Shhhh, no no, just shut it.

What about my black v-neck form fitting sleeveless shirt, black pencil skirt, over the knee stripped Dr. Seuss socks, and strappy Christian Louboutin’s makes him think I am a sake bombing kind of girl? Ooh wait, that presupposes he thinks. I just killed 10 brain cells and my IQ dropped again from the experience.